I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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