Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
