apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
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Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?