She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.