i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
