I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won