I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We got so high we made milksteak
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say