That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.