Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
