so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
