If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
