Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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