I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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