its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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