ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
