Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
