Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
