i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
