i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
