is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
