Where is the hickey?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
