he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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