I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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