O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
