we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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