So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
