Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she woke up with a sticky ear
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
