how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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