he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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