Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
