just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
