it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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