Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
