hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
