Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
