i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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