I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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