i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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