Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
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Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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