Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
