do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
