You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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