I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
