covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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