He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
