Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
