You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
