my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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