we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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