She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
