Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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