you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
