Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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