I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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