I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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