Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
