Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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