btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
