why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
