He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
