I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
