she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
