This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
