is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
