I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
