I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
