Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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