Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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