Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
