I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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