I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
